What being a woman in tech taught me about our world leaders
Somewhere along the line of human history a small group of people decided they were going to generate money by gaining exclusive access to a lot of important stuff and selling it to other people.
There are different opinions as to why this happened. Guns, Germs and Steel author Jared Diamond says that the northern countries developed agriculture practices more quickly due to their rainy climates, thus creating the means to produce and sell large volumes of raw materials. Other historians such as Ian Morris have criticised Diamond’s eurocentrism and shown irrigation was developed first in Egypt and China was leading in social development until the 18th century. Regardless, it appears at some point, we decided that hoarding and selling was how we were going to run things.
Fast forward to the present day and western European colonialism has given us the current world order. The accumulation of goods — be that material, technological, ideological — is still the most important thing to our economies and our world leaders.
If you disagree with this world view, it is easy to look on and feel baffled as to how we got here. However, what is more difficult to untangle is the potential impact these values have on us on a personal level and how we may not be so different to those we claim to reject.
Just like that famous quote from James Baldwin, I believe all it takes for us to become like the men we platform is a decision:
Walk down the street of any city, any afternoon, and look around you. What you’ve got to remember is what you’re looking at is also you. Everyone you’re looking at is also you. You could be that person. You could be that monster, you could be that cop. And you have to decide, in yourself, not to be.” — James Baldwin
And I know this because once upon a time I made that very same decision myself.
How I became a mini Donald Trump
In order for the early capitalists to get all this stuff for themselves, they would have had to become a certain type of person. They needed to be ruthless, cunning, forceful, cut throat (quite literally) and mean spirited. They would have had to learn how to instil fear — not just in others, but also in themselves — in order to maintain control.
Mark Zuckerberg recently said that the tech industry has become too ‘feminine’ due to diversity policies. When I worked in the tech industry in 2016, I was in my mid twenties and I found it to be a culture closely inspired by the military. If I showed I was confident and bold with my decisions, worked extreme levels of overtime, and adopted the values of domination over all else, I was more likely to get promotions and leadership opportunities. When I showed my softer, more collaborative side, this put me in direct competition with the aims of the company and I was deemed ‘difficult’.
Subconsciously, I did the calculations on my chances of survival and began compromising my natural personality for one of the company. I felt if I wanted to get somewhere in my life — a place of safety and prosperity — I had to push forward, get ahead, be selfish. This also crept into my personal life. I was sharper with my family members and more stuck in my opinions. I wanted things done now, exactly as I’d asked them, and I didn’t have time to entertain anyone’s opinion.
I started to look around me and wondered if a lot of people felt like I did, like I was on a treadmill and had to keep running lest I fall off and get eaten by the chaos of the world.
Some cultures sacrifced to gods to try and control the future, to prevent disaster both personal and collective, and it suddenly dawned on me — maybe the early capitalists had decided to take this fear of the future into their own hands through sheer will and force.
I suddenly saw these big figures in global politics and business as version of that same person I was in the tech office — insecure, blinkered, and self-absorbed. If that was the case, then I was sympathetic to it, and it gave me an insight into the psyche of these ruthless leaders who I claimed to want nothing to do with.
Over time, I started to realise my personal relationships were in tatters and my health was declining due to the stress I was putting myself under. It was becoming clear that I had to make a decision — continue becoming more of a mini-capitalist or decide for myself who I was.
Change yourself to change the world
When I quit my job and moved back to my home town, I had this overwhelming feeling that my life was one massive dissapointment after another. I had tried my best to tick all the boxes I needed to tick in order have a good quality of life, yet I had ended up unhappy. What had I done wrong?
Individually, I had the power to decide at any time what I wanted my life to be like, yet I felt I was powerless. In truth the reality of going against the grain is not to be underestimated. It is rare to find friends, jobs, organisations that are also in the process of untangling themselves from a capitalist mindset. Survial for many is reliant on toeing the line.
However, I was lucky enough to have somewhere I could go for a while that allowed me to seriously ask myself what I wanted. The answers I came up with would have made the old me laugh.
I wanted to live with my eyes in front of me, not constantly on the horizon. I wanted to listen and care for my family and my neighbours. I wanted to foster all those intersts that I’d loved as a kid that had no real point (and couldn’t be monetised) but that I simply loved.
In order to start to do that, I had to realise a few things:
- Control is an illusion. I could map out my entire life and follow my plan letter by letter and things will still come in and blindside me from time to time. Freedom is becoming comfortable with letting go and trusting things will work out (and that you will manage even when they don’t).
- I am an example of what I wish the world to be. When I began to trust and support those around me, they did the same for me, and so my world started to change. If I was generous, I receieved more generosity in return, thus negating any need to be in competition with anyone.
- Perfection is impossible. Perfection implies that if you meet a certain set of criteria you will suceed, but if perfection was possible it would be deeply boring. We live in a very varied and changable world and it is much more refreshing and relatable to be honest about my struggles and share my inner self with people than to hide behind perfection.
- Instant gratification is the antithesis of joy An apple is engineered perfectly to give you the hit of sugar with all the goodness enveloped so my body doesn’t suffer from the sugar rush. Everything good takes time to grow and foster. Do not fall into the sugar cupboard of wanting things to happen quickly.
- Compassion and empathy is key. I cannot judge myself and others negatively if they do not meet my ‘political standards’. Somebody might be trying their very best. Everyone is just trying to survive. Speak to others calmly and with compassion. This is what love really is.
Deep introspection through therapy or self reflection techniques stripped away my conditioning and showed me the crux of what I was about. I believe it is important we all try to unravel ourselves from what we have been taught in order for us to move forward in a new a different way.
Conclusions
I believe that most businesses care more about growth and forward movement than they do almost anything else. More than making sure their employees have a good quality of life, more than having a diverse range of opinion, and more than giving back to the community. This may be because their bottom line depends on it yes, but also I believe it is because they have interalised those early capitalist attributes as positive and necessary.
Trump’s recent move to push for a ceasefire in Gaza was seen as a success in ‘mad man’ diplomacy but really all it does is show how the more forceful and unhinged you are the more likely people are to fear you.
On a collective level, those of us who live under these forms of governments or capitalist influences have decided as a group that we value those who can speak confidently, command attention, make decisions at any cost, and ‘get things done’. Therefore individually we aim to embody these principles and platform others who have in order to survive as well.
But the cost of internalising these values is that we compromise the reality of life — the experimentation, the unknown, the messiness. We instead prioritise control and force and perfection.
It is time for us to be honest about how we behave on an individual level and begin to form societies that are based on new, progressive values.
What is your experience of trying to untangle yourself from the influences that shaped you? Do you believe it is ever truly possible? Let me know in the comments!
Thank you for reading!
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